ORIGINAL BLISS

All the Ways - A Christmas Love Note

 

I know you know I love you...

we say it all the time... 

it is such an easy thing to take for granted when it is always there.

But I wanted to express my adoration, and remind you that who you are in my life is not taken for granted.

All the little things you do to make my crazy life easier: getting up at 3:00 in the morning to iron my clothes and get me coffee while I shower, ironing my uniform every night, grocery shopping when I am at work, washing and gassing up my car while I am sleeping, washing the sheets every Friday so I have clean sheets for my days off, getting up at 7:00 in the morning when I am driving home from work, unlocking the door so I don't have to use a key, putting my contact case and glass of water on the counter to I can jump into bed faster. Every day, each time, I notice and feel loved.

You always try.

Sometimes you fail BIG TIME....

and then you try to fix it and fail even bigger!

But your heart is always in the right place, and you always do your best to amend situations. You are the first person I have ever known that really knows how to make a sincere apology.

You support my passion for art and creativity like no other has ever supported me.

EVER.

Seriously... every relationship in my life has had an element of competition that tries to pull me down, suppress, or minimize me. Your positive enthusiasm has healed and nurtured me.

I love how we make each other laugh. When you wake me with a cup of coffee and we are laying in bed catching up, the big, loud laughter fits we have when our wits get on a roll, leave me warm and fuzzy.

 

I love the harmony. Sure, there are dissonant times, but the bottom line is you do vibrate in harmony with my quirky tune. You always "get it", maybe not at first... sometimes it takes a sleep on it... but inevitably our thoughts, ideas and actions are in sync.

You look at me with love in every moment. I can always count on seeing that glow in your eyes.

Jeff, we have only been married for 3 years... but we have traveled the rockiest of rocky roads together. The situations that we have worked through together would have CRUSHED other relationships. We have made it through them... and even better - we have had tremendous fun in the midst of it all.

There is no one else on Earth I'd rather journey through life with.

 

I love you.

Your partner - in all that life has to offer,

Shannan

Inspiration Overdose

 

I work the night shift in a police department 911 center.

I love working nights. Although humans have become bolder and dumber and do crime in broad daylight now, most of the time, all the REAL activity occurs after dark. Criminals like to dress in the cloak of night.

Even better... the building is quiet... "brass" usually doesn't stay in the building after 5pm.

And on cold, rainy nights, besides false burglar alarms, nothing stirs.

 

It can get very boring. I won't lie. To keep from falling out of our chairs unconscious from boredom, we have piles of "smut" at every console --- But there are only so many paparazzi shots of Brangilina, Octomom, Jon Gosslin, and Tigeresses (<---- Shannanism - Tiger+Mistress) that I can handle.

So last week, I stopped by Borders and bought every Somerset Studio magazine currently on the shelf.

Let me say --- there is no other publication on the planet as visually inspiring as the magazines published by Somerset. 

I was like a kid that just got done buying big bags of sweetness at a Willa Wonka candy shoppe!

I went to work antsy... and when the peace of the 3 am hour arrived, I pulled out my mags and oooo'd and sigh'd for 300 pages.

I think I OD'd on inspiration.

And rather lifting me to new heights of bliss, a sudden drift of insecurity ruffled my feathers, and knocked me on my ass.

I huddled down, buried my head in my wings, and mind f*@k'd it all.

"I suck."

"I can never be this good."

"Am I even on the right path?"

"Is art really my divine purpose?"

"Is it just a distraction?"

"Is my heart still in it?"

"Is my dream with the page over?"

"Is it making any difference?"

My fragile ego took a hit and ran amok with it all over my soul.

It can be such a whiny brat sometimes.

I wallowed in the "less than" for a couple of days.

Then, I got my paints out and finger painted the shit out of my journal. I ripped paper with a vengence. I doodle doodle doodled.

In the space of the Creative, the voice of my higher self could be heard. She didn't just haul off and knock my ego upside her whiney head - like I would have done! She just said,

"Remember the "point of it all." Reconnect with the love from Source. Get your head out of your ass, your feet on the ground, take a deep, cleansing breath, and REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!" 

Even those of us trying to live a Soul-Centered life are not immune to the tantrums of the ego.

If you have ever been there --- or are there right now --- may you remember who you are for a moment, and see if it doesn't bring you right back to the truth!

Namaste,

C H E Z

Be Joyous!

 

"It is a magnificent time to be alive! Be joyous! Celebrate the abundant gifts that are within you!"

These last 4 days off, have been quiet and still for me. While I have done some "busy" things, for the most part I have felt calm, peaceful.

I think it has something to do with a dream my beloved had this week.

Jeff has been plagued with headaches for years. Most of the time, they happen at night. He goes to bed but wakes up with the headache... usually worse.

The other night he went to bed with one of these headaches. He woke up throughout the night still suffering.

In the early hours of the morning, he had a dream.

Something was talking to him telepathically. It asked him if he knew why he had his headaches. As it was telling Jeff why he has headaches, Jeff began seeing an energy, an amber color, soothing, inviting, non-threatening energy, without shape or boundaries.

The energy recognized that Jeff was starting to see it and said, "Some people can hear me, but most people cannot see me. You can see me." The energy seemed surprised by this.

"You're on the right track. When you are in a relaxed state your brain is picking up frequencies from other dimensions and your 3 dimensional brain cannot handle the influx of information. Quiet your mind. You'll get there soon enough."

Jeff woke up without a headache.

He told me about this when I woke up on my first day off.

I cannot express how enthusiastically I embraced his dream. I am used to having far-out dreams, clear intuition, and unexplainable, "supernatural" occurrences. And while others are very accepting of my "kookiness", I often feel alone and weird. I sometimes question these "gifts" --- judging them as fantasy. Maybe I am just crazy.

When other people have such experiences, it brings me great joy and reassurance. 

Namaste,

C H E Z

Communion

 

"Holy days touch a craving in me... not for gifts, family or decorating. I long for the ritual, the ceremony. Not the every day pattern of comfort, but the transformative. Prayer, worship, contemplation, meditation, some 1 on 1 time. Just me and the divine."

This time of year... winter... Christmas... I find myself filled with a deep desire to sit in a church. And not just any church... a Catholic church...

I wasn't raised Catholic.

Actually... I wasn't raised spiritual or religious. My zealocity (<---new Shannanism) was a self-driven, calling my soul felt from birth.

Tis the season I want to bless my face with holy water, kneel on prayer bench, light a candle, inhale frankincense and myrrh, and listen to soaring harmonies singing in Latin and brass pipes that shake the spirit.

Maybe I was a nun or a monk in a past life and these rituals brought me a feeling of deep communion with the divine.

I don't know.

But at midnight mass this year, I may be the pagan in the pew.

Namaste,

C H E Z

My Holiday Angel

 

Turns 15 today!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Love,

Mom

Revelation

 

I'm going to do it.

I haven't done it in 22 years.

It's a big, scary step for me...

like my flying adventure last week...

only BIGGER!

I am going to read the book of Revelation.

It is the only part of the Bible I have only read once.

And it scared the shit out of me.

While I haven't been a "Christian" in 20 years, I am still pretty much a Jesus freak.  Our Bibles are always close at hand... on a shelf in my kitchen island next to The Life and Teachings of the Masters of the Far East, Autobiography of a Yogi, Theory of Everything, Women Who Run with Wolves and Vision.

While I consult our Bible regularly... I carefully fingertip-toe around the book of Revelation... like I avoid the movies the Exorcist and Saw and people with Swine flu.

But it has been calling me, lately.

Isn't that strange?

Maybe not.

When the 24 hour headline ticker is nothing but violence and war and pestilence and catastrophe and collapse and Tiger Woods... I can't help but contemplate where humanity is heading.

I seek answers.

Solace.

Maybe this final chapter won't give me that.

But Spirit tells me that since I have a different perspective about the nature of reality now, maybe this chapter will be enlightening.

Revealing, rather than fear-inspiring.

But I think I will wait until I am not home alone... 

when it isn't dark and freezing outside...

and not before bed.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Soul Deep

 

Do you ever look around at the people in your world and see a flatness?

Like an old ghost town, where there are shack buildings with shallow facades dressing them up?

Two-dimensional?

Do you ever feel that way yourself?

Zombie-walking through your days, going through motions, being in a way that is expected, but is unreal and flat?

 

I consider myself a vibrant 4-dimensional being, but I catch myself, all the time, moving unconsciously through life.

It takes presence to live conscious and aware. And frankly, sometimes I am lazy and I would rather be flat.

Yet there are moments when the fullness of being is effortless. When I am painting, journaling, writing, singing, creating, that full, juicy, richness fills me and radiates outward.

What is it that gets you there?

When do you get soul deep and experience the fullness of who you are?

Is there a way that we can capture that original bliss and carry it with us through the ordinary steps of our life?

Or can we just stop doing all the ordinary altogether and live full-time in the creative instead?

Namaste,

C H E Z

 

Sculpture at Lamont School of Music, Denver CO. Original inspiration and reference for "Desdemona" and "Joan".

Deeper Release

 

The past 2 years has been all about letting go for me.

Some of the lettings go have been a natural part of the life cycle.

I had to let go of my children as they became adults.

I had to let go of my youth as a new era started dawning on my face and body.

Some were shocking releases - torn from my heart.

I had to let go of some very strong belief systems about truth and justice always prevailing.

I had to let go of my dependency on financial security.

I am in the process letting go of my home.

I am in the process of letting go of the blueprint of what I thought my life was going to be.

 

As my journal expresses, I have never been good at letting go.

I stress myself trying to control situations... trying to keep the plot of my story going the way I planned.

When I lose... when I finally give up and let the Universe take it, I grieve and rage deeply.

I am tired.

The clinging is killing me.

I have been wondering if I can change. If I can let go and go with the flow. If I can detach from the outcome of EVERYTHING, and enjoy just living in the moment.

I feel better just thinking about it.

When I feel my gut cinching and my brain twisting into a tight grip, I have been gently reminding myself,

"Release"

"Release"

It is like floating. Catching a wind and gliding. And funny... In that space of no effort, miracles happen. Big, soul level dreams manifest, as they never could with all my bloody, sweaty, tearful, EFFORT.

 

Release.

Namaste,

C H E Z

Landed

 

Two feet planted safely on my home turf.

Strangely, I was really really nervous the nights before my flights... but once at the airport and on the plane, I enjoyed it immensely. Angels calmed the skies for our flight. They were each the smoothest, clearest flights I have ever taken.

Seeing the Grand Canyon, the Great Salt Lake, and Lake Tahoe from 30,000 feet was awe inspiring.

 

We got our mock up and had a beautiful snow flurry that crystallized the world and made the simple act of driving an adventure!

 

We had a girls day with my sister, crushing on gay men in Cobras, and young ones singing love songs on the stage. Laughing at how 1 little ol' martini effected my sister.

We had nieces sit on our laps and Rhodesians nose our cold noses.

Mattea and I cuddled under the covers and giggled until our toes got warm.

   

I kept waiting for the regret to sneak up on me... the shame that I was so impulsive and took off on a whim.

Never happened. Never will.

 

Nothing but dance and celebration in my soul!

But it is so nice to be back in my lovers warm embrace, with a bath and a glass of wine to warm my frozen bones!

Namaste,

C H E Z

What to call this?

  

Just little sketch...

Will be back from Colorado on Thursday!

Namaste,

C H E Z